Fantasy of Despair

Pushpam Kumar Sinha was a mild-mannered, quiet man, who spent his days exercising his generous intellect in the pursuit of study in advanced physics. It was his brilliant mind had brought him to Delhi and to the hallowed grounds of the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT), where he assiduously pursued his PhD, unhampered by a busy social life: instead, Sinha was at home with his books and their pages of mathematical wizardry. He loved to listen to music and if you were to visit his room, you’d find a collection of old ghazals and film songs that bespoke a mind sensitive to the finer feelings of romance, love and courtship.
Yet, on the 24th of October, 2009, Pushpam is alleged to have walked into his neighbour’s flat, strangled a girl, then flipped her over a burning stove for 10 minutes while he waited, making sure she was sufficiently burnt, laid her down on the ground, got back to his room, washed his hands and put on his music.
The police allege that 34-year-old Pushpam, who was once married but soon separated, was overcome by a growing desperation for female companionship. It was a desperation that grew until he started living his own made-up fantasy, completely separated from the reality that stared at him. Pushpam kept a diary, in which he wrote his anguish, in almost juvenile words, at not having a ‘girlfriend’. In it, he also wrote about how a girlfriend was something that everyone should have and in time, something, he would have too, in a tone that hinted at a plan taking shape.
Nineteen year old Ramchanphy Hongray was keen to visit and see Delhi, so she had come to visit her elder sister before they both returned home for Christmas. She exchanged civilities with her sister’s neighbours, including the man who lived opposite. On Diwali night, a smile from Ramchanphy was understood by Pushpam to be an acknowledgement of interest, maybe even love. He bought her things in advance of what he thought was an imminent relationship; an expensive party dress, ear rings, a friendship band and a card that said ‘I Love You’, even as he was warned by Ramchanphy’s sister that he had better stop staring lewdly at her sister unless he wanted a beating at the hands of the neighbours.
The stares continued until Ramchanphy was forced to keep herself shut inside the house on Friday, too afraid to venture outside, until her sister returned from work. On Saturday, Pushpam supposedly entered the flat to propose to his beloved, but when faced with a terrified Ramchanphy, stifled her screams and in that effort strangled her. What followed after was a cold calculation aimed at hiding the crime.
How do we make sense of Pushpam? Where do we find the thread that may have unravelled his brilliant mind? And what lesson, if any, can a society draw from a ‘golden boy’s’ precipitous fall?
Pushpam’s family background, that very Indian quick-judge parameter, does not provide a clue. His father retired as a deputy director at Hindustan Aeronautics Limited and his mother is a doctor at a government hospital. They are not separated and Pushpam is their only son. Psychologists concur that the kind of behaviour attributed to Pushpam points to an unstable state of mind, coupled with very low self-esteem and what is termed ‘social anxiety’, the inability to function socially. In this case, it was an inability to function with the opposite sex, leading to elaborate fantasising and a tone that is often juvenile.
Psychologists say that such men may often choose a much younger girl, believing that such a person would be easier to impress than a woman their own age. Points out clinical psychologist Rajinder Singh, “People who have some perversion often lead a double life and can come across as very normal. Education has nothing to do with it. They are often able to disguise it and compensate it with other achievements.” Singh says that the reasons for the development of such a condition can be pretty wide, ranging from biological to traumatic events or exposure to life experiences. But while the causes of such a perversion of social norms of behaviour may be impossible to pinpoint, the problem tends to emerge at a particular point in one’s life: adolescence.
In fact, according to Neha Bhimwal, consulting psychologist, VIMHANS, adolescence actually requires interaction with the opposite sex for healthy development. She explains that often, “Authoritative parenting during adolescence is marked by low self-esteem. I meet lots of people who don’t know how to be around the opposite sex. Men who fall in this category weren’t allowed to talk with girls and suffer as a result from low self-esteem. There is almost a cause and effect relationship to social anxiety”.
Bhimwal says that a characteristic of healthy sexual development is an openness of communication lines between parents and children, along with an understanding and empathy of what the child is going through. “In my clinical experience, fathers are interacting far less with their boys and it’s a kind of bonding the boys miss. New lines of communication have to open up and parents have to realise that rules have to be negotiable according to age," she says.
Both psychologists agree that Pushpam’s alleged behaviour could not have erupted overnight like a volcano. There must have been a precedent, symptoms and telling events that might have either been covered up or not picked up by parents. Bhimwal says that adolescence requires constant monitoring because of the hormonal turmoil within children and parents need to be awake to markers like aloofness or a sudden drop in social interaction or productivity.
That, of course, is where Singh highlights another problem, the taboo of seeking the help of a psychologist and the image that Indian society has of the psychological profession. He points out that ‘depression’ is a clinical word that has entered the everyday lexicon precisely because it is now prevalent in the stressful lives we lead. “But the taboo persists and people prefer to take anti-depressants, which is unfortunate because it just keeps the person from addressing the actual deeper cause of his depression, leading him back to square one,” he explains.
“We’ve only noticed Pushpam today, now when he’s reached his culmination. It’s as if we’ve been waiting for him to have done something drastic. It could have been arrested earlier, but now we might not be able to reach him. It’s easier to shape a person when their personality remains plastic and flexible. Society and elders need to wake up and shed their taboos formed of ignorance,” he adds.
In the week following Pushpam’s arrest, amid stray voices of surprise and incomprehension from his past, was a larger public denunciation of this student as a pervert and a monster. But in the complex mismatch between Pushpam’s academic brilliance and simple life, and the manner in which his inner self seemed to hurtle towards catastrophe, there are terrifying lessons on what can result when suppression is preferable social behaviour than the honest acknowledgement of a problem.
Pressure cookers, we all know, will burst if the release valve doesn’t function. It’s the same with people.