Encounter with those who live half-lives

I had never come across the word, “Half-widow” until I found myself in Kashmir valley but in just a couple of days of my stay, I had become painfully free with the word. The word, Half-widow was used to refer to the women of this terror torn valley, whose husbands had one day left home and never made it back home.
With the constant military frisking and the practice of armed forces picking up people on mere suspicion, disappearance of the locals there is a common phenomenon.  After being tortured in one of the many torture chambers, the more fortunate ones came back alive though scarred for life, while some are brought back dead labeled as militants. The more unfortunate group however, disappears into the countless unmarked graves in the valley while the armed forces deny having anything to do with their disappearance.
Thus, these half-widows are thrust into an abnormal situation with no actual dead body or even admission of their spouses’ death to bring finality to their mourning, nor with much hope of a happy home coming.  Their grief continues without the luxury of confirmation inorder to start life afresh. The village of Dardpur (very aptly named) in the valley, is said to be full of half-widows.

HALF-MOTHER
If half-widows are wives of men who have disappeared to India’s war on terrorism in Kashmir than 70 year old Mugli is a half-mother. After 18 years of the disappearance of her son-and-only-child, Nazir Ahmed Teli (35) Mugli still relives the demons of her tragedy in the small traditional type home of her parents. She call still tell you the exact date “September 1, 1990-a Saturday” and her premonitions she had felt the day her son was picked up by the BSF, according to witness who were working in the nearby orchards. As usual, BSF denies the allegations and the case is still being fought by the 70 year old mother. Mugli says that she still watches the door, expecting the only hope of her old age to walk in any moment.
This woman is just one of the many parents similarly affected by the disappearance of their children. Kashmir has an entire association of parents of such disappeared persons who live between hope and despair. The Association of Parents of Disappeared Persons (APDP) are said to have erected a memorial at the Martyr’s Park there just to have  somewhere tangible to mourn their children but it was soon torn down. Now, these parents are demand that the Government declare their children dead, a most strange demand that describes beyond words what they must be going through.

HALF-EXISTENCE
There is no end to examples in Kashmir to indicate the half-existence of the people living there. There are physical scars some of them bear from the torture they have endured which is visible to all and others scars like impotency which cannot be talked about. But the worst is the psychological scars with which the people there battle to exist normally. Depression, chronic post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, learning disabilities, anxiety disorders drug addiction, suicidal tendencies etc affect alarming number of people. In addition to these a good number of people suffer from what Kashmiri therapists call the "midnight-knock syndrome," a fear stemming from the many pre-dawn raids by Indian security forces aimed at rooting out suspected insurgents. According to a blog started by some doctors in Srinagar, mental health groups have estimated that a record number of 60,000 Kashmiris committed suicide last year.

HALF-IDENTITY
Caught in the line of fire between two nations, one under whose nationhood it exist and another with which it shares religious and cultural affinity, kashmirs are torn when it comes to their identity. For decades, their own nation, India had shown little concern for them, trying to keep them tied down throught he barrel of guns while in the nearby Pakistan they atleast see the assurance of security in being a part of the majority there. They do not share mental affinity with the rest of India and yet a lot of them trust do not completely trust Pakistan either. Some want to remain completely independent and yet they are acutely aware of the fact that this little valley is too valuable as a buffer between India, Pakistan, Russia and China.

HALF-PRISON
Anyone who has visited the Kashmir which is termed as the “Crown of India” will not miss the sight of the ridiculous militarization the valley is swathed in. One does not go far without encountering some military bunker or camp every few kilometers. Almost every historical building, strategic location, former schools buildings etc is occupied by the armed security groups stationed there. The enormously high walls, the barb wire fences with empty bottles and other noise makers tied to them to warn of intruders, is oppressive. The entire security arrangement brings out a nagging suspicion that one is visiting a glorified prison where freedom and liberty are words are a mockery here.

The permanently defensive stanch that Kashmiris exist under has taken its toll on the people and brutally spit their lives in so many ways. But somehow, their tragedy seems to have made them more resilient with the people coming on stronger with each new protest. Despite India employing every strategy in her book to undermine the call for Independence, the movement has survive and shifted from the cause of a few militant groups to that of the common man. The movement has been preserved even for this generation with the Amarnath land protest turning into a freedom slogan. Today, when you ask a Kashmiri if he seriously thinks than India will grant it Independence considering her habit of dealing with such movement, their replay is “We can always hope”; and hope is such a powerful thing.