Donkeys are called Asses too...

The new budget for Nagaland is…cute. As an extraordinarily common, common citizen myself, I can relate to it as do ducks to water. The state government was dead right on the money when it declared the budget to be a “people’s budget.” Indeed, just like the people, it’s a people’s budget –full of debt, nothing to give and lots to lose as usual. Just like big old common me. My wallet’s forever on diet too.
Here’s another allegory: Warm your bottom for the day when Daisy-assed Coyotes would crawl from their air-conditioned holes frantically yelping that the law and order situation in Nagaland – especially big bad Dimapur – is “people’s law and order.” And, not “normal.” Ugh.
But I agree, our law and order SoA is “normal” – of course, what’s so abnormal about several hundred people getting murdered in two months, or your parents' pension sucked dry for “contributions” everyday every month. And do we dare forget testosterone-stricken kaput cases who boast of no civilized opinion about our women other then to calm down what sticks out from between their legs – and these criminals go happy free because Cartoon Network government and its tamul-chewing police had no balls to disinfect our towns of humanity’s dregs. See? Law and order is normal, for Pete Sampras’ sake. No disturbingly serious crimes like cable theft and Nagamese love song-singing drunks…
Any Tom, Dick and Tali can tough-talk and go Gung Ho from behind battalions of bodyguards and air-conditioned offices. And for us, dear Nagas please feel free to repeat your favorite mistake – elect hot-air balloons as your leaders. Wonder where hot-air balloons get their inspiration from? Helium.  
Here’s my inspiration. Don’t freak. Friends persist in inducing me to believe that when I was born I actually emerged with the Penguin Publishing House logo on my forehead. Something in that nature of idiocy, I figure. Whateva. Ever since I can recall, books have been a passion I don’t ever desire to learn to shake off – everything from Tinkle to Lasky, Frontline to Vandenberg, Meisha (remember that dear old Soviet children’s story book?) to War histories.
Anyhow, my “inspiration” came when I was this schoolboy thing – full of torrential nose, flamboyant 11-year old cool and pure 8-inch (I meant height, you naughty Miss Hugh Hefner). I bumped into a gigantic book on former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger at a relative’s. Sweet. I devoured the American politician’s bio slap-bang in two days (Didn’t matter that I could not comprehend a word of it). I was inspired as fresh virgin forests inspire every Establish-New-Village addict. Serving my people and society was the sprouted inspired dream. I’ll be a minister or something similar. Yeah, right, sure.

Trouble in the kitchen
One fine morning, I trudged into the kitchen. Mom was busy demolishing an alarmingly disturbing pile of Akhuni-ed pork. I announced: “Mom, I want to be a politician when I grow up.” In brief, Mom looked like she’d just swallowed the entire Akhuni pot through her ears. She took minutes of what appeared to be a struggle to reclaim her privilege to looking like a proper human again. Then she spoke up in that lovely, so-gentle and whispery voice I so love: “but son…I want you to grow up and serve the people and society, not become a politician…”
I re-edited my dreams and presented her a copy of it: “…OK mom, I want to join a Naga Human Rights organization or a big students’ union or a hoho whateva…” Now I can serve my people, I figured. Well, mom reacted as if she’d just knocked her knees dizzy across the table: “but son…I want you to serve your people and your society, not become some daisy-assed, scared, confused Apologist or Sophist…”
Freaking, I edited Dream No.3: “…I wanna be a big officer then!” (Please note here that my notion of “big officer” was limited to being some dude owning a government vehicle thing). But mom looked adequately disoriented. “…but son, you’ll be serving politicians and liars…” This whole blooming My-aim-in-life thing was getting freaking nowhere.
“Then, I wanna be freedom fighter and fight for my people!” To say the least, Mom’s face looked like it was just barely hanging on to the front of her head. Battling to regain the original face God had gifted her, mom garbled: “…son, what did I teach you that you lose your humaneness…?
Out of sheer frustration I blurted: “Alright, alright, I’m gonna be a pastor or something!” Trust me, she nearly had a stroke. She gradually regained her original human face and whispered sadly: “…become a pastor and live your entire life never brave enough to speak the truth, son… be a Christian leader and speak in watered-down, washed and rinsed, redesigned and realigned ‘truth’ because you were too timid to speak the truth? Is that what you want to be..?
So many sides to perspective – or dreams. Mercifully for my vocational misery, she suggested I list down my ‘aim in life.’ Well, since the last one decade, I’m still writing. You may want to check out some two-sided wisdom below that popped in the course of my wanderings.  

In Nagaland, say this, it means…:

Mandate of the People: ‘Only the president, general secretary and treasurer took the decision’
Appeal: The one word Naga civil organizations use, to cover their inability to speak truth resolutely
Speak the truth: ‘Tell them they’re wrong and we’re the ones who’s right’
Peace and Development: The two words used to conceal rising crime indices
“Normal” law and order situation: ‘So far only civilians and innocents are being killed. No serious crimes like cable theft…’
He has dynamic leadership: He blew up the party’s funds
Visionary leadership: Dreaming of your money
‘He’s the best man’: He pays more per vote
‘He speaks like a true leader’: He lies a lot
‘Our leader is a true son of the soil’: He’s always mud-slinging.
‘Our area is thirsty for development’: ‘Send us money in mineral water bottle crates’
He’s an eloquent politician: ‘He can speak only Nagamese.’
‘Investigations are on’: Investigations are none.
‘There’s no corruption’: ‘Nobody has found us out yet’
‘Vote for the right candidate’: ‘I’m the right candidate’
‘We care for the people’: …… (*Hahahahaha! Liars!)
‘We offer you issue-based support’: Increase our Central funds  
Early solution: ‘When’re we gonna start living life again?’
Development: Roads (Or lack of them)
Women Empowerment: The season when new customary     laws sprout from everywhere
‘Strengthen customary laws’: ‘We’re too weak, you GBs check crime’
Chief Guest: The one with the fattest wallet
Official function: An event where government officers and staffers get to doze

 

 

To read Al Ngullie’s other published Music Reviews on bands from Nagaland, Naga musicians and artistes among others, please visit http://alngullie.blogspot.com/ 
Write to him at alngullie@yahoo.com | alngullie@gmail.com