Kedo Peseyie
When I was in college the play “Look Back In Anger” was among my favorite plays. There was this character who did not know any other way to express himself except by showing anger at people, at systems and even at himself. At one point he says that there is nothing worth dying for, and there is nothing worth living for. But ironically, he feels that anger is the only emotion worth expressing. In many ways I identified with this character. When I look at situations around me, anger seemed the only response I could think of. And so I played the part of the man looking out and looking back in anger all the time.
I have now come to learn that anger never solves anything. It is no doubt a legitimate emotion. But the problem is this: the line between anger as a legitimate response, and losing control over our anger is very thin. Anger is a legitimate emotion until we lose control and say crazy things. And most of the things we end up saying and doing in anger are far from legitimate and permitted if good sense is to prevail. For instance, to be angry and infuriated over an attempted-rape is very legitimate. But don’t you think we are going over the limit when we take the law into our own hands and parade the accused naked in front of all women and children? Is this the right response to anger?
Many young people ask me to pray for them because they feel guilty when they are angry. I tell them, “Hey, I am glad you are angry. In fact, if some of the things happening in our society, government, and churches does not make you angry, then I doubt your Christian commitment. I will pray for you, but I will pray that you will learn to give the right, constructive response to the anger you feel within.” The Bible does not say, “Love is NEVER provoked or angered.” But the Bible says, “Love is NOT EASILY provoked or angered.” Anger in itself is not a sin. It’s how we respond to anger that determines if it is sinful or not.
We don’t need a special psychiatrist to tell us that Nagas are having a serious problem trying to control and handle anger. Outsiders often see Nagas and anger as synonymous. When I was in Maharashtra, there was a PhD student in the University of Pune who was doing his research on Nagas and Anger. He had this crazy theory proposing a link between our short-tempered nature and our excessive consumption of hot chilly. Well, you don’t need chilies to get angry, you only need to take a walk down the street and breathe dust into your nostrils, or meet the neighbor who keeps cutting your water pipeline, or just simply read the newspaper in the morning. Sometimes I ask myself, are there no happy people around anymore. Everyone is so angry. I read the letters to the editor and I always find one angry person. We also hear of crimes and killings increasing among us. There is anger. We should not turn ourselves into monsters running around angrily. It just that we need to know how to control our anger the way God wants us to.
The book of Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything. We need to realize that there is a proper time and there is a proper way to be angry. Even Jesus Himself was angry. He expressed His anger.
We have seen that love does get angry sometimes. We all remember times when our parents were so angry at us, but we hardly remember times when our parents hated us. Sometimes we even find that when they are most angry at us, they love us most. Sometimes the loving thing to do is to get angry.
Our ability to get angry is from God and it is not necessarily sin. It’s how you manage and respond to anger that makes the difference. Anger managed correctly becomes an asset rather than a burden.
Let me share with you some points from a preacher I heard sometime back.
1. Learning to Control my anger
Proverbs 29:22 “A hot-tempered man starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble.” Let me tell you, anger is not a difficult emotion to control. One day my wife and I were having a disagreement. No doubt there was anger on both sides. Then somebody we both know well came for a visit. We both smiled and pretended as if no argument is going on. When the person left, it stated again. But the point here is this: we realized that it is not difficult at all to control our anger.
2. Counting the Cost
When you lose control of your anger, there is always a price to pay. It’s always costly because it affects your relationships, your family, your job, or your studies.
Look at these verses:
Prov. 29:22 says, “a hot-tempered man commits many sins.”
Prov. 15:18, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension.”
Prov. 14:17, “A quick-tempered man does foolish things.”
Prov. 11:29, “He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind.”
Here is the point. Whenever I lose my temper, I lose everything else. I sin, I display folly, I inherit only wind. Anger is dangerous. It always isolates you from people. Someone said the word “danger” is “anger” with a “d” in front.
The next time you are so angry at someone of something, try asking yourself these questions before you react:
(1) why am I angry?
(2) what will happen if I express that anger?
(3) will the expression of my anger really solve the issue?
3. I Need to Communicate my Anger Correctly
The Bible doesn’t say that anger is sin, it simply says in Ephe. 4:26, “In your anger do not sin.” There is a way to become angry, and there is a way of properly expressing this anger which will not harm relationships, but will build up better relationships. We can never get the most out of a relationship if there is only expressing of love, admiration and the likes. Sometimes we need conflicts too. And when conflicts happen and anger pops up, we should let love, good sense and wisdom prevail over our anger and impatience.
If all the angry people in our society (me included) could sit down and discuss what is making them angry, and what would be the best way to express this anger with the aim to bring about something constructive without using destructive means, I think it would be a positive step toward good sense, wisdom and understanding.
4. Retrain my Mind
Josh McDowell gave this interesting sequence of thinking-feeling-action. The way we think determines the way we feel. And the way we feel determines the way we act. I choose to think angry thought, and I feel angry, and after sometime I act angrily. Romans 12:2 tells us, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If you want to change the way you act, then you must change the way you feel. If you want to change the way you feel, then you must change the way you think.
My grandfather always tells me how important it is to give our minds to Christ, because it is from the mind that great things will come. Great ideas have changed the world. But we also know of all the destructive ideas and philosophies that have wounded the world deeply. These destructive ideas came from minds that were not surrendered to Christ.
To conclude, allow me to point you to Christ. The anger you may feel inside is nothing new to Christ. While in the world, Jesus was also angry at many things. Religious leaders and political indifference distressed him. He was abused, abandoned and hurt. No doubt he was angry. You may have been abused and abandoned too. Jesus wants to help you to understand that your pain matters to God; and He wants to replace that hurt with His love in a way that nothing else can do. His love can heal and transform.
Jesus is the only one who completely understands. After all, it was he who endured the anger and wrath of God on the cross for us.
