Noel Manuel
We all love our children very much. Be it another’s kids or your own, we share a very personal attachment with them. Our relationship with our kids evolves and strengthens through the gift of ‘Love.’ Our actions and words are a daily manifestation of this love. We can cross any limit to exercise the love for our kids. And as in most cases, we dig up every nook and corner of our pocket to proclaim that your love is eternal. And many of us term this as parenting.
“Parenting is probably the toughest yet the most rewarding job you will ever have.”
How many of us have heard that expression before we became parents? I can remember hearing it, though to be honest, I never really understood the true meaning of it until I started raising my own family.
Parenting is something that we learn better through our own experiences than what we see in how other’s handle their kids as they grow.
Most parents will tell you that parenting is a difficult job. After all, it is a 24-hour-a-day job without a breather. If you’re a parent reading this and think parenting isn’t very difficult, then maybe you should take a look at how much effort you’re putting into it and if your methods are benefiting your children.
Parenting can be very stressful. You receive no training and little support. Hopefully, you have family and friends who can give you helpful advice or listen to your everyday frustrations. If you are part of a very busy family, the mobile lifestyle makes parenting more challenging, and getting support can at times be very difficult.
The only real training we can put on our résumé for parenting are the experiences we had growing up in our own families. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and has stories to tell, some good, some bad. But how do we know what good parenting is? What is bad parenting? What are healthy methods to use when raising a child?
Take a look at the discipline methods your parents used and how they affected your life. Look at the relationship you had with your parents. Was it one of mutual respect and love? Was it a relationship where you felt love no matter what?
Did you always feel safe? Could you talk to them about problems without fearing what their response would be?
Did your parents punish you in a way that made you feel bad about yourself? Were you demeaned and put down? Did your parents yell all the time?
Our past is a significant part of who we are. We learn from things done right and mistakes made along the way. This is how we grow into who we are. When you look at your past as a learning tool, it can help you decide what changes you want to make.
When exploring different parenting methods, you should look 15 to 20 years down the road. What qualities and values would you like to see your children possess? It is a dream that has to be nurtured soon after you begin family life. We, you and us, continue to have big plans for our children. These plans do not necessarily have to be subjected to their professional or personal life. Besides, these dreams, we also need to nurture the seeds of wualities and values from a very tender age programming them as they grow.
If you know what to expect developmentally from your child, you will be better able to accept changes in them and have more realistic expectations. Have an open mind when it comes to what discipline techniques you want to use within your family.
Remember, this is your family--not your parents’ family. If respect and love are what you want your family to represent, then treat your children as you would want someone to treat you. Whatever discipline method you choose, make sure all those involved with the child agree and are consistent in following through.
You should pat yourself on the back for putting forth the effort in becoming the best parent you can be to your children.
Unfortunately, not every child has a parent willing to become a more effective parent. Some children do not experience a life filled with love and mutual respect. Rather, they live a life filled with fear.
Child abuse is an unpleasant topic. We know it occurs, maybe it happens in our own homes. Maybe it happened to you when you were a child. Some parents may not even realize they are being abusive. They think it is for the child’s benefit.
Child abuse comes in many forms--physical, mental, sexual and neglect--for many reasons. Lack of knowledge regarding child development can lead to abuse.
When parents have unrealistic expectations, parents may feel the child is being intentionally defiant when, in reality, the child cannot meet the expectation because she or he isn’t developmentally ready.
Parents using spanking as a discipline method can easily get carried away and take out the day’s frustrations on the child. Before you know it, abuse has occurred.
Raising a healthy child does not end with the completion of childbirth. Educate yourself on how to create a healthy environment for your children.
“Our role as parents is a gift given by God. And responsible parenting, is our gift to God.” We surely have an obligation and commitment to God as much as we have towards our children. We need to consider parenting as a challenge. For every act or message, is a gift directly or indirectly to God.
noelmanuel@rediffmail.com
The writer is the Coordinator of the Northeast Region (Poetry Society of India) and Life Member of the Poetry Society of India. Journalist and Correspondent Eastern Panorama (News Magazine of the Northeast) Phonetics Teacher.
