There are times in life when one needs to speak up and to share one’s experiences so that the process of learning and healing can begin. I believe that this is one of those times.
I am a young mother of 2 little children, and I have been living with HIV for some years now. My husband and other family members are aware of my status and we have been trying to educate ourselves on living positively.
About a month ago, my second baby was due. My counselors at the NGO that I visited advised me go to the District Civil Hospital for a safe delivery, as it was best equipped for the treatment of HIV/AIDS cases. The healthy rapport that I shared with my counselors as well as the caring and understanding attitude of the doctor at the Civil Hospital helped me believe that this was indeed the right thing to do. One does worry about the implications of being HIV positive while seeking treatment from any hospital, but one also assumes that care-providers in such a reputed medical institution would be experienced about and sensitized towards issues concerning people living with HIV/AIDS.
So we made preparations by buying the required amount of disposable gloves, syringes, disinfectant (of which only 5 litre bottles costing around Rs. 800 were available in the pharmacies) and medicines as we were asked to. I couldn’t help thinking that it was lamentable that doctors and nurses who worked hard to save lives were not being provided with adequate gloves and protective garments, the onus of which had to be borne by the patients’ families.
A day before my baby was due; I was admitted into the maternity-ward, which I shared with 2 other patients. My husband, mother, sister-in-law and a helper accompanied me. When the Doctor who had been treating me came for his rounds with some nurses, one of them directed his attention to my bed-side and announced in a loud voice: “HIV positive manu tu itu ase!” (This is the person who is HIV positive).
The shock of hearing that there was an HIV+ patient in their ward registered clearly on the faces of the other patients and their attendants. After that, there was a distinct change in the atmosphere in the ward. I thought I was only imagining the stares directed towards me – but when I heard my mother speaking up in my defense I realized that the public declaration of my status had confirmed my worst fears. Looking back, I do not blame them for their reaction because not many people have actually met the people behind the ‘HIV positive’ label; but I was totally unprepared for the attitudes demonstrated by a least expected quarter.
By that time my labor pains had started, but when we called for the nurse to examine me, she replied: “pain poora ahibo dibi – taikhan ke to phat-phat chubo napare” (Let the pains come fully – these people cannot be touched hastily).
When she finally turned up, she was reluctant to touch my bed-clothes even with gloved hands and asked my attendant to do it for her. Soon afterwards, my contractions increased and I knew that my baby’s head had already emerged. Seeing my distress and being aware of the urgent need to get me to the labor room immediately, my husband went to call the nurse. She told me to walk all the way to the labor room. In desperation, my family members carried me in the bed-sheet that I was sleeping on, while people just stood by and stared at us. After the thankfully uncomplicated delivery, my husband was summoned in order to help me change my garments. When we proceeded back to the ward, the attendants of one of the patients had covered their food items with newspaper sheets.
As we prepared to go home, a sweeper who happened to be one of my neighbors came in to clean up the place. The nurse walked over to us and instructed her to be extra careful and to wear gloves in this patient’s case. My neighbor instantly understood the implication and exclaimed that she never knew that I was HIV positive till that moment. Although it was within their rights to ensure that precautions were taken, I felt extremely hurt and humiliated that my HIV+ status was announced so unceremoniously and in so insensitive a manner. It was with a heavy heart that I left the hospital that day.
While agreeing that precautions top the list of priorities especially when it comes to HIV/AIDS, I also feel that it is imperative that hospital staff be sensitized when it comes to dealing with issues requiring discretion and consideration for their patients.
This is not in any way meant to undermine the dedication and competence of the many medical personnel in hospitals across Nagaland and even in the same hospital I have been referring to, who have demonstrated unfailing compassion for and service towards their patients. However, a few incidents of negligent and offensive behavior have the unfortunate potential to negate efforts to overcome stigma and discrimination if not addressed on time.
I have chosen to share my story because I have reason to believe that there are several voices out there that are silent not out of choice but out of helplessness. I also hope it will help people see that no matter how undesirable HIV/AIDS may be; people living with the virus are still real people, with real feelings, real fears and real desires to live meaningful lives in dignity.
(As related to Tushimenla Imlong.
The identity of the speaker is being withheld on request.)
