Robert Clements
This happened years ago when my dog Jeff was alive: A moth, one of those huge ones with big eyes, flew from somewhere and sat on my wife’s side of our bed, a little away from me.
She screamed out of fear and with a panic stricken face jumped towards my side of the bed. Her reaction was contagious, and my daughters also started doing the same thing. My wife finally managed to push the moth to another corner of the room.
Now, it was the turn of my daughter to continue the drama. Then Jeff rushed to the rescue.
But the moth inadvertently landed on him.
I watched as he stood firm, composed himself and observed the behaviour of the moth on his body, then very confidently he moved his huge mouth to it, picked it up and brought it to me, and I threw it out of the window.
As I watched the full scenario unfolding before my eyes, my mind picked up a few thoughts and started me wondering:
Was the moth responsible for my family’s ' histrionic behaviour?
If so, then why was the dog not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection - without any chaos or drama.
So, it was not the moth, but the inability of the family to handle the disturbance caused by the moth that disturbed them.
I also realized it is not the shouting of a father or scolding of a boss that disturbs someone, but his or her inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs them.
Similarly, it's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused in my mind by the traffic jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it's my own reaction to the problem that hurts me!
My diagnosis of the whole issue:
My family reacted but the dog responded.
We must not react in life; we should always respond.
Reactions are instinctive; responses are intellectual.
How often this happens to us, doesn’t it? Many years ago, my little one, who was just two years old, tottered up to me, and gave my cheek a resounding slap. My hand flew up and without thinking I slapped her back, to her astonishment and shock and also to that of everyone in the room.
I had reacted.
But if I had used my mind and responded instead? If I had, then my daughter would not have gone through the traumatic experience of a slap, which I’m sure her little mind must have wondered what she did to deserve. Remember, she was only two.
Which brings me to another thought as I see hundreds of civilians killed in the Israeli Palestinian war: Are they reacting or responding?
We need to learn to respond, not react..!
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com
