Deaf parents raising a hearing child

International Week of Deaf People – Day 5

Christina Walling-Zhimomi
Audiologist & Speech Language Pathologist

The writer had an online interview with Asangba and his family to get a better understanding about the joys and challenges of being Deaf parents. The interview resulted in a greater appreciation towards parents with disabilities who overcome the challenges of parenthood.

Please tell me something about you and your family.
Asangba: My name is Asangba and I am from Ao community. This is my wife Nazia. She is from Garo, Meghalaya. I was born deaf, and as a child I was very frustrated because I could not communicate with my family. It all changed when I started school in 1987. I was among the first batch of students in Deaf Biblical Ministry. I learned American Sign Language there. Learning sign language and being able to communicate and fully express myself turned my life around.

I completed my secondary school there and was even employed as a teacher for some years.Currently, my wife and I run a grocery store in Mon Bosti. I have been through many ups and downs in life. But God has been faithful, and today I am happily married and we have been blessed with a son this year.

You said that you were born deaf. Were you also born deaf, Nazia?
Nazia: No, I was not born deaf. I was born with normal hearing. But when I was 3 years old, I became very sick. I was given a lot of medication and that caused my deafness.

Do you remember being able to hear or speak before you lost your hearing? How did becoming deaf change your life?
Nazia: No, I do not remember being able to hear or speak at all. But I am not sad about it. It was very difficult for my family when they found out that I had lost my hearing. But after some time, they heard about Montfort Centre for Education in Tura, Meghalaya which also provides education for the Deaf. So, I went and completed my education there. I also worked as a teacher there for 3 years. 

Did your family support you when you learned sign language?
Nazia: Yes, my family was very supportive and they tried to learn sign language to communicate with me. My sister knows sign language very well and she helps me communicate with my hearing friends and relatives by translating for me.

How did you meet each other?
Asangba: We first met through Facebook. After messaging each other for some months, we decided to meet up. It didn’t take long for us to fall in love with each other and eventually we got married on 8th May 2019.

What was your wedding experience like?
Asangba: (Laughs) It was both stressful and exciting. Our families and Deaf friends helped usfrom the beginning till the end. My Deaf friends helped with setting the tent house. EvenNazia’shair and make-up was done by our Deaf friend and beautician, Kharemi. We were very blessed because the wedding was conducted in sign language.  So, we were able to understand the wedding sermon, and when we said our vows to each other we meant it with all our hearts. Our Deaf friends also presented a song for us in sign language. So, I would say that our wedding was a very special one.

What was your reaction when you found out that you were expecting a baby?
Asangba: After we got married, we decided to wait one year before planning for a baby because we wanted to be more financially stable.  So after a year, when we found out that we were going to have a baby, we were very excited and thrilled.

So, when was your baby born and what is his name? Is he also deaf?
Nazia: Our son, Sentilong was born on 23rd of January this year (2021). He is not deaf, he has normal hearing.

That’s a beautiful name. How did you choose the name for him?
Asangba: Thank you. After he was born, my family prayed and asked God to lead us in choosing a name for him. That’s how we chose his name. In Ao dialect, his name means “precious stone”. He also has a name in sign language.

Being Deaf parents, you must be experiencing many challenges. Are there advantages too?
Asangba: Of course, a major challenge is that we are unable to hear our son, especially when he cries. So, either my wife or I have to watch him all the time. We are told that after some months, hearing parents are able to differentiate between the different cries of their babies. But since we cannot hear, we are left confused and do not know what to do when our son cries.However, we have our families and kind neighbours who offer to look after him when we are busy or tired.

It is funny that one of the advantages of being Deaf parents is also the fact that we cannot hear our son cry. After we brought him home from the hospital, Nazia’s mother and my mother stayed with us to help us take care of him. Unlike our hearing counterparts who have sleepless nights, Nazia and I slept peacefully through the night while our mothers would wake up in the middle of the night whenever Along (Sentilong) cried.

What are some interesting experiences of parenthood?
Asangba: One time, we were inside our house with all our windows and doors closed. Along was lying on the bed. We saw him suddenly startle, lift his head and look around. This happened a few times. We could not understand why he was doing this. We looked around the house and when we opened our main door, we found that my mother had been knocking on our door.

Nazia: He has also developed a special way of alerting us when he soils his diaper. Since we cannot hear him cry, he has started beating the bed/ mattress with his hands and legs. We’d feel the vibration and know that it is time to change his diaper.

Finally, what are your dreams and hopes for Along?
Asangba: We want him to learn American Sign Language because that is our mother tongue. As he grows older we hope that he will act as an interpreter for us. We want him to do well in school and then in college. Sometimes I think that I want him to become a lawyer or be in the state administrative service. But when I really think about it, I want him to be a man of God, working for God’s kingdom. I also want him to be a voice and an advocate for the Deaf community of Nagaland. I know that we have a long way to go, and the future seems so uncertain. But God has been faithful to us, and he had led us through so many hard times. We have many stories about how God miraculously provided for us when we were struggling. And, I know that He will continue to be faithful and that He has a plan and a future for our family. So, we are not afraid to face the future.