Yesterday I went to a party where the organiser, a lady, introduced a game. If she said yes, the participants had to shake their heads in no. If she said no, they had to shake yes. Within minutes, people were nodding, shaking, reversing, hesitating, and collapsing into laughter.
I laughed so loudly that I startled the person next to me. Not because the game was funny, but because I suddenly realised this was not a game at all.
This was everyday India being played out with rules for the first time. It’s called the Great Indian Head Nod, a communication system so advanced that even its users are not entirely sure what they mean.
This head movement, which appears to be neither a nod nor a shake, is perhaps India’s greatest contribution to mystery after unsolved political promises.
You ask someone, “Is this the way to Bandra?” and the head moves in a slow rhythmic dance. Not up and down, not left and right, but somewhere in between, like a confused ceiling fan. Now what does it mean? Yes? No? Maybe? Try your luck?
The beauty of this nod is that it allows the person to answer without taking responsibility. If you reach the correct destination, it was clearly a yes. If you end up somewhere near Navi Mumbai when you wanted to go to Bandra, then you misunderstood the no.
It is the safest form of communication ever invented.
I have noticed that this nod appears most frequently when the person has absolutely no idea what you are asking. Instead of saying I don’t know, which is considered socially risky, the head begins its graceful movement, as though saying, I may not know, but I will not let you leave without confusion.
Even in serious situations, the head nod persists.
Did you finish the work
Head wobble
Will the plumber come today
Head wobble
Is the building structurally safe
A slightly slower, more thoughtful wobble
And everyone walks away with hope, confusion, and a mild sense of impending disaster.
The fascinating part is that we Indians understand this language perfectly. We just pretend we don’t when things go wrong. It gives us flexibility. It gives us deniability. It gives us, most importantly, an escape route.
I tried using it abroad once. The gentleman who was speaking to me, stopped mid-sentence and asked if I was alright. He thought I had a neck problem. I realised then that what we consider communication, the rest of the world considers a medical emergency.
But here, it works beautifully.
No commitments, no clarity, no accountability. Just a gentle movement of the head and life goes on.
And perhaps that is why we love it so much.
Because in a country where answers are slowly getting you into trouble, the safest response is not a word.
It is a wobble…!
The Author conducts an online, eight session Writers and Speakers Course. If you’d like to join, do send a thumbs-up to WhatsApp number 9892572883 or send a message to bobsbanter@gmail.com
