Today nothing serious okay, just a fictitious tale!
Ruby and Jai met in New York.
Ruby’s country couldn’t care less what he said; Jai’s country counted each minute he spent with the other man. Finally, Jai returned and announced proudly that the talks were “positive.”
Now, how do I know what they spoke about? Not from secret cables or government leaks—oh no. From a waiter sitting in my imagination who whispered it to his brother, who muttered it to my driver, who, with great ceremony, told it to me between traffic lights.
The conversation, as relayed, went something like this:
“Nice haircut,” said Ruby, beaming.
“Yours too,” said Jai. “Where do you get it done? And do they use shampoo?”
Ruby grinned. “No shampoo. My wife does it. She calls it ‘domestic policy.’ Yours?”
“Oh, my wife too,” Jai said, with mock pride. “But she insists on conditioner—something about making me look more acceptable to the opposition.”
Both chuckled, world problems solved for the moment.
“And how’s your missus?” asked Ruby politely.
“Good, good. Still tells me when to speak and when to keep quiet. Very useful skill in politics,” said Jai.
“Same here,” said Ruby. “Between you and me, the real bilateral talks happen at the breakfast table. These are just photo sessions.”
They clinked their glasses of water, since whiskey would have required clearance from five departments and a debate in parliament.
Ruby leaned forward. “By the way, do you snore?”
Jai blinked. “Snore? Why?”
“My security team says the snores of my last visitor caused an earthquake reading in Alaska. I was just checking if I should warn the UN.”
“Don’t worry,” said Jai gravely. “I only talk in my sleep. Mostly about my Russian friends.”
Ruby slapped the table. “Perfect! That will put even my harshest critics to sleep. We couldn’t care less about them.”
The waiter, who was taking notes as if it were scripture, swore that at this very point both men broke into peals of laughter, shook hands, and Jai declared the talks—yes—“positive.”
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen: two nations resting easier, stock markets sighing with relief, and newspapers running front-page headlines over a conversation that could easily have happened in the lobby of a beauty salon.
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe world peace doesn’t always come from grim faces behind microphones but from two leaders talking about haircuts, conditioners, and snoring. Maybe “positive” isn’t about nuclear disarmament or trade treaties, but about being human enough to laugh together.
Still, I can’t help wondering—if this is what “positive” means, what would “negative” sound like? Probably an argument over which toothpaste is better: herbal or fluoride.
But even as you smile, remember, this could well be the rubbish we are fed with about phone calls, and conversations held with no records kept-‘very positive’, and the next day tariffs and visa fee hikes ..!
The Author conducts an online, eight session Writers and Speakers Course. If you’d like to join, do send a thumbs-up to WhatsApp number 9892572883 or send a message to bobsbanter@gmail.com
