Nchumbeni Y Jungio
Clinical Psychologist, Department of Psychiatry, CIHSR
Grief is the pain we experience when we lose something significant in life. Grief does not always mean that somebody has died; it can also occur when something meaningful changes or when we lose something valuable in our lives such as a relationship, a change of location, physical changes, loss of income, and so on. This is often termed disenfranchised grief, and all of these experiences can be deeply painful.
This article briefly brings together some of the collective understanding of grief, and to explore how we attempt to unravel this process. It also highlights the expectations placed on us to “move on” and pursue the precise goals of life or living.
Grief is not something all of us can welcome with open arms. It brings discomfort an internal distaste, a feeling and sensation we often want to escape. We find ourselves searching for a quick fix, something that will take away the burden of being in a state of grief. Grief remains a part of life for as long as we live. So how do we begin to accept it? Is there a list of preparations we need to make in order to face it or even overcome it?
There is no single, one-size-fits-all answer to these questions. Each of us makes meaning in unique ways. How we support ourselves and one another is a concern many of us struggle with. Grief brings out different parts of us and affects each of us differently. The way we process grief and move beyond the person, thing, or situation we lost is complex.
Grief also brings about an amalgamation of a range of emotions and physical sensations sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, blame, and more. It can also manifest physically as weakness, headaches, body pain, and fatigue. We may notice changes in sleep and eating patterns, difficulty focusing, or reduced energy to connect with others. These responses highlight the strong connection between the physical and psychological aspects of any difficult life experience.
Sometimes, when the loss is not associated with death, it does not receive the same space or value. Processing such losses becomes more challenging due to a lack of compassion or because the experience is dismissed as trivial. This often leads to unprocessed grief, which may gradually result in further emotional difficulties. This highlights not only the individual’s experience but also the importance of the support from people around them in helping them navigate grief.
Kübler Ross’s different stages grief i.e., denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance is often discussed. However, research also suggest that people don’t always go through these all stages and some may not experience them at all. While aspects of these stages may be experienced, it is important to remember that the tapestry of grief is unique for each person. Cultural and religious rituals practiced by different communities also play a major role in shaping how the person navigates the grieving.
One of the ways we can offer support is by leaving judgment aside and walking alongside the person who is grieving not pushing them toward “closure,” but instead creating a space for them to talk about their significant loss. This is an important part of emotional healing.
For someone going through grief, allowing yourself to feel the loss and the pain is essential. Memories may surface, and over time some may become less vivid, which may bring feelings of guilt. But this is part of the process. Loss can bring new perspectives and priorities, and it is important to honor your own way of making meaning of what you have experienced while continuing to move forward, reaching out when needed, and remembering that it is okay to ask for help. Often, our internal narrative says, “I am bothering someone” or “I don’t want to waste anyone’s time,” but reaching out is an important step.
Sometimes, the self-help strategies and support of loved ones may not be enough, and the guidance of a Mental health professional becomes necessary especially when grief begins to interfere significantly with daily functioning.
A gentle reminder: if we try to chase forgetting, there may be no end to the pain. Acknowledging the loss, even in the presence of pain, is one of the most important elements of recovery
