Feel terrible as I see the dead bodies of Israelis and Palestinians. I know that one moment they were alive, the next moment dead! It’s terrible when a loved one suddenly dies. There is no warning, like you have during a sickness. No time to say goodbye. No time to adjust your mind, no time to make up for fights or quarrels which are such an everyday occurrence with any family. Suddenly that person is dead. We stare with disbelief at the dead body and wish we had a few minutes to say goodbye or apologize for some hurt, “Why did you have to go so suddenly?” we cry, “Daddy I couldn’t even say sorry!”
Around ten years ago, my mother died thousands of miles away from my home in the US. She died alone, and presumably in her sleep. I felt terrible by the fact I was not with her when she passed on, that she was alone, but more than that, that I had not been able to say sorry for so many hurts I had caused in her life. As the eldest son, we had our moments when we would be at war with each other, as most sons and parents do. But now after she left, I was broken.
“Ma!” I used to cry out silently and sometimes when alone, loudly, “Ma, can you hear me, please forgive me for the terrible son I was!”
I knew she couldn’t. She had gone.
But then one day, my wife’s mother came to stay with us. As I looked at her, frail and old, a thought came to my mind, maybe I was being given a second chance: Maybe I could give her the love I hadn’t been able to give my mother.
I believe that second chance is available to all of us.
I do believe that many of us have lost someone we loved very much and now regret we hadn’t given them the love they deserved, or had let them down in some way or other, or could have been a better son, daughter, brother or sister, or even a friend.
Look around you! Maybe you won’t have to look far! That aunt! Your mother-in-law! Yes, even someone you can’t get along with, someone you just can’t tolerate could be your second chance.
Invest your love into that second chance. Think of all you could have given to your mother or father or whoever passed away, and put everything into this new person.
Try it and see how it works, it brings tremendous healing, and somewhere up there, wherever that person we lost has gone, there will be smiles and joy as that loved person sees your new love and knows you are doing it for them.
It's a healing for sudden death, try it, it works..!
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com
