‘Beyond the Cliché: Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds’

Mely Wezah
Old Ministers’ Hill, Kohima

Human beings are vulnerable to diseases, accidents, failures, disappointments, emotional turmoil, and losing loved ones. At this point, we frequently hear popular phrases from our friends or relatives, such as “Take heart, my dear!” “You will be fine soon,” or “Time will heal you completely.” Many people use the phrase ‘time heals’ regularly. For several years, I believed that time was the ultimate healer and hero. Howbeit, at one point, I was sceptical and made certain that gullibility was not embodied in me. I began to reason and explore this well-known phrase. Time can certainly assist in alleviating pain, but it is not a healer. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or going through another emotionally strenuous or unpleasant situation, various other elements contribute to the healing process. The truth is that time does not heal anything. The function of time is to tick every second and advance the minutes and hours. It just passes and does not heal; what we do at that time does. Time enables us to bury our pain as deeply as possible. However, many people are unconscious and are thought to be the result of time’s healing process.

Some narratives are supported by the cliché that ‘time does not heal all wounds.’ When someone is injured or involved in an accident, people do not stare or wait for time to heal the scars or bruises. Everyone does everything they can to get the person to the hospital as soon as possible since they require medical attention. When patients are admitted to the hospital, the physicians and nurses immediately evaluate and clean their injuries, and wounds, and administer ointment to them. The physician would never declare, ‘Time heals all wounds’ and would rather wait a second, minutes, or hours. The physician provides medications to help the injured individual recover quickly. To save the injured person’s life, healthcare professional experts continue to provide precise nursing care during the healing process. If the injured had not been carried to the hospital and waited for the appropriate time (seconds, minutes and hours), the person would have died on the spot.

A friend of mine experienced prolonged sadness following the demise of her adored father. Even though she is an adult, she still mourns the loss that occurred over 5 years ago, which is also evident in her WhatsApp status regarding her father. I could fathom how much she missed him. If time heals all wounds, would 5 years be insufficient for her grief? We cannot suggest to the bereaved, “Time heals all wounds,” or “Give it some time.” To say so would sound trivial, yet it is like a physician attending to a wounded person saying, “Time will heal all wounds,” rather than treating it. This shows that time alone cannot heal all wounds. While time cannot heal physical or mental wounds, it does allow us to adapt and find ways to cope with them.

We have to keep in mind the significance of pain and trauma, which have long-term consequences for individuals. Childhood traumas are an excellent example of how time does not heal all wounds. Adverse childhood experiences are painful events that occur during childhood and have long-term consequences. Such events include neglect, abuse, violence, substance misuse, divorce, and the loss of a loved one. These negative early experiences are linked to adult problems such as depression, unemployment, financial troubles, substance abuse, and health issues. Despite the passage of time, these wounds leave a permanent impression that time alone cannot heal. Heather Z Lyons, a certified psychologist believes that time equals opportunity. As a result, how someone heals over time is ultimately determined by how they choose to use the chance to influence their current and future situations. She explains that time does not heal but people can use time to gain understanding, improve their relationships, and develop a growth mindset. She further elaborates: “Some people will use time as an opportunity to collect experiences that orient them toward their values and dilute or challenge difficult experiences.” People can, for example, reconnect with friends, form new relationships, or participate in rewarding activities to help them heal. Time also provides for introspection on the traumatic experience, which fosters insight and the ability to move on.

Our brain has limitations and cannot store all memories. Many events and experiences fail to be retained in long-term memory. Some fade away when they transition from short to long-term memory. Some memories are repressed due to the painful experience. Sigmund Freud described one of the defence mechanisms as repression, in which the ego automatically conceals undesired thoughts, impulses, memories, and sensations from the conscious mind. Others are suppressed, meaning they try to forget or avoid uncomfortable or unwanted thoughts. Suppression and repression have their own set of advantages and disadvantages; eventually, the memories will be shuffled and reorganized due to this phenomenon. It is not time that heals the emotional wound, but rather the voluntary or involuntary act of forgetting unpleasant occurrences. Healing occurs when all of them are eliminated from one’s consciousness. If we wait for time to heal the pain, the person will remain in darkness, unable to recover from the pain or trauma. If a tyre is punctured, the driver will not wait for the air to flow back into the tyre. Rather, the driver will try to fix it, rush to the next workshop, or seek help from onlookers. Someone should be there to refill the air in the punctured tyre. To wait for the pain to heal is akin to waiting for a punctured tyre to refill the air on its own.

Forgiveness is a vital part of the healing process. Christians are instructed to forgive one another. Jesus taught His disciples to forgive 70 times a day. However, we are so wicked that at times forgiving once a day appears to be impossible. If we do not forgive others, God will not pardon our faults. Remission of sins is Christ’s work, which occurs when fellow humans forgive one another’s faults. Who are we to be unforgiving of others after Christ has forgiven and died for us on the cross? People nowadays are hypocritical in that they seek God to forgive their sins yet refuse to forgive others. The ‘Lord’s Prayer’ should serve as a daily reminder to forgive our trespassers. The forgiveness of sins leads to healing in one’s life. The forgiver distinguishes the authentic Christian life and reaps the greatest benefits, not the opposite. Our sins and guilt are a stumbling block to healing, slowing our bodily and spiritual development. If a person harbours resentment and does not let bitterness go, Inner peace will never be achieved. Being humble and seeking forgiveness from your opponent is a huge endeavour and leads to ultimate healing. Is there a relationship between forgiveness and healing over time? Healing of wounds occurs as a result of Jesus’ teaching and the forgiveness of others. And as usual for the time it does its work by ticking the seconds, minutes, and hours!  

Our lives cannot be completely devoted to painful or traumatic experiences. Life should not be motionless or static, but it must carry forward. We live in a fast-paced world where 24 hours every day seems like a short time! Everyone is busy with their daily schedule, whether they are single or married. Married people have more responsibilities as they engage in different activities. For instance, they spend most of their time caring for their families, extended families, jobs, businesses, children’s schooling, vacations, overall well-being, etc. Therefore, they occasionally reflect on and relieve their painful pasts, but never devote an entire day or time. With so many mental preoccupations for the welfare of the family, both the unconscious and conscious are compelled to overcome their scars and the issues they confront at the moment. The daily struggles at home become a ‘blessing in disguise’ when many unwanted occurrences are ignored. They eventually allow a person to feel the touch of healing. It has helped people to progress in other pursuits.

The goal of therapy is to help individuals experience a sense of wholeness in their lives. During counselling sessions, the clients often open up about a great deal of unresolved sorrow, childhood and adolescent trauma, along with other issues that affect them. Counselling is used by people with multiple problems to release them from the guilt, fear, and worry that prevent them from healing. “People need the opportunity to express their pain in ways that marry insight and emotion,” says Lyons. Finally, one can express their sadness in a way that is cathartic and healing to them, so it does not remain bottled up or develop into an unhealthy expression in the future. When the catharsis is released, the client feels enormous relief and the healing process begins. Toward the end of therapy, the client acquires insights and awareness. And that is how the healing process works.

Instead of relying simply on time to heal one’s wounds, there are other factors that a person may consider to encourage recovery. Spending time with loved ones, travelling, socializing, family outings, recreation, practising appreciation and forgiveness toward oneself and others, and engaging in fresh self-reflections and prayers can all help to attain a deeper feeling of healing. We do not sit around waiting for our sick loved ones. We take it to the physicians and counsellors for further treatment and healing. As a result, time plays no part in the healing process.