Factional Violence: Widows’ Spirit of Forgiveness

Merina Y. Chishi
Dimapur | November 17

Roko was seven months pregnant, when her husband was killed in a factional clash in 1997. When she received news about her husband’s death, Roko refused to believe unless she saw his body. Roko lived with the hope that he could return someday. His body was never found, and by that time she had already given birth to an undernourished baby. 

Virtually living hand to mouth, today Roko lives in a rented house in Dimapur with three children. Her biggest fear today is her children growing up with a vengeful heart or going astray, owing to the hardships they face in the family. “No one can understand a widow’s problems. It is unfathomable,” she says. But with her hopes resting in God,; Roko hopes her children will begin to understand her and their condition better as they mature. 

With the Naga reconciliation process now underway, a sense of optimism is palpable amongst the Nagas today. But, for widows affected by factional violence over the last few decades, their cries echo back reminding Nagas of those whose lives have been left scarred forever. 

Many similar stories echo amongst other widows. Zara lost her husband in 1999 in a factional clash. She comes from an extremely poor family. “I come from a very poor family. I eat only ‘dal-bhat’ and work the whole day in the fields to earn that meal,” she says. Zara is also engaged in ‘second hand’ clothes business which she does to pay her children’s school fees. Zara says she has to be very “stingy” with her savings because she has no one to lean on, lest misfortune befall her family. 

Zara today is confronted with questions about her husband from her children and admits some are very difficult to answer. She says “I always tell them that God took away their father, and study is all they should think of.” Zara knows her children crave for material things like others do, but she says that it is her bounden duty to bring them closer to God. Despite her many hardships, Zara says “It is my cross. I have left everything in God’s hands. I have forgiven my husband’s killers.”

Dolly has also forgiven her husband’s killers. Like Roko, she never saw her husband’s body. She had been married for only a few months and was pregnant with her first child. She struggled to survive in the initial months following the news of her husband’s death. With a meager salary of one thousand rupees a month from tuition classes she gives, Dolly looks after her 10-year old daughter. Dolly says she never told her daughter about her father till her eighth birthday. “I used to tell her that he has gone away for work. I wanted to tell her only after she reached an age when she would understand,” Dolly said. 

The most miserable thing about being a widow is, she describes, people tend to think they are “beggars.” She has experienced moments when people hurriedly brushed her off thinking she has paid them a visit to “ask” for something. 

Aya and Asheli have faced similar problems. The say their hardships and problems are too deep to even talk about. All five ladies have dreamt horrible dreams the past few months, they say. “We never thought another group would emerge. We have lost so many good friends because of this and now there is suspicion even among all of us,” they expressed. They also talk about young widows whose husbands were killed in this year’s factional violence. Memories of the days they left behind returns to haunt them. With tears rolling down her cheeks Dolly says, “A prayer warrior who went to the mass funeral after the Seithekiema massacre told me that she saw one cadre holding a baby’s hand glove in his hand. I cried.” 

These women also live with the fear that “the groups may come to a compromise with the Indian government,” and render the sacrifice of their husbands valueless. All these women have taught their children to forgive. And this is the same message they put across to the leadership of different factions. “We have forgiven our husbands’ killers. We have no hatred for any faction and we hope that the leaders will also do the same,” they say. 

They collectively say they will continue to support the Naga ‘national’ movement while they also plead for their voices to be heard along with the rest of the people. On the initiatives of the Forum for Naga Reconciliation, the widows hope the forum would accommodate and take the opinions of those affected as well. “They must try to reach to the heart of the issue, the people, and feel it. We are all with them,” they assure. 

(All names have been changed)     
 



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