My name is Mhonthung and I’m a recovering addict, clean for 4 years running now. I started testing phensy (drug) since 1986 out of curiosity. In fact, the first experience of phensy was nice and it feels good. As it gives good feeling I continued to use. After using phensy for quiet sometime, I also started using Relipen (RP). My intention of using was not to become an addict but to feel good of myself and never knew that I will become an addict. However, as the time passes by, my dose started increasing as my body tolerance increases. During my initial stage of drug use, medicine was quiet cheap and available, therefore getting drug was not much problem and I keep stocked for 1 to 2 week at a time.
A time came when I realized that the drugs is controlling me because the pleasure I had during my initial was not found anymore and when I don’t take my daily dose my body gives me unbearable pain. As a result I continued to use in order to control the withdrawal or the pain because of not using. Deep down in my heart I also realized that I should stopped this habit but could not stop because of the physical pain that occurs when I stop using. Because of my drug habit I caused shamed to my family, tears to my brothers, sisters, parents. My relationships became very strain and most of the time I quarrel with them. There was guilty in my mind all the time and wanted to be alone in the secluded place. No peace with me and family members too. I became the black sheep in the family and wolves’ to my neighbors. All the good dreams of the parents for me and the opportunities was shattered because of my drugging. Due to my habit I could not continue my study and dropped by 8th standard. In spite of my bad habit I received my parents love and they supported in all my needs. On the other hand I had misused their love and care for my habit. I cheated them so much and ruined all the properties. Many a time I had to manipulate and please them, make different reasons to get money for my dose.
I was also caught by police in some point of time but fortunately compromised was made between us with some fining and didn’t go to jail. As other addict does, I did almost everything and many of my friends had gone up or down but thanks to God for He sustained me. It was 20 years that I actively used till I was seriously sick which was a God’s call indeed. As I decided to quiet the habit with all my bitter experiences and stopped completely without taking any help from Rehab or Hospital, it was on the second day that I was seriously sick and was on the verge of death as a reaction of being stopped using drugs. I was taken to the Hospital and as I discharged from it after few days, I was introduced to the Bethesda Recovery Home by the Project Manager, Drop in centre, Chumukedima. All together sickness, Hospitalization and going through rehabilitation program was the turning point for my recovery.
I am also very grateful to Bethesda Youth Welfare Centre for not only allowing me to go through recovery program but also giving a chance to be part of the team. Today I am doing as an Outreach Worker in one of the Drop in Centre, Dimapur. During my using days my mind was always captivated by the next dose and no time for work, family, others and even for myself too. But today the thought NEXT DOSE is no more a concern, I can be with the family, give time to my children, to my work and be with others too. I am really happy today to live a drug free life. The joy and the happiness I am experiencing today is inexpressible in terms of relationship with family members, friends, neighbors and the society as they accept me which was a far cry during my using days.
I am not escaped from the thought about drugs and its mood alteration or we called it trip and it used to come time to time but I also know giving consideration and testing will lead me to the place where I was. Therefore in all those attacks I had to divert my attention. My encouragement to using fellow friends is that to come out from the habit is indeed hard and need strong will power, medical help to some extend, programs we received from the Rehabilitation Centre like TWELVE STEPS and above all God’s power. I accept that recovery is also life long process and do not guarantee myself but it is my duty to always strive to live a drug free life and continue to struggle in my recovery. If I can be in the recovery process you too can be. If I can come out from drugging habit, you too can come out. As I have the joy and happiness, you too can have. Being into drugs is not the end of life, we have life beyond drugs. Together let us prove that we are not the slave of addiction but master of drugs. May God help us in our recovery.
