Thinking out Loud
K.Ela, Prodigals’ Home
“Naga women and girls are indeed fortunate and privileged lot” says an outsider. “Yes we are” I thought. “We don’t have the practice of Dowry System, Caste System, Purdah System, Poylgamy (though some tribes practice traditionally) etc. We are not forced to confine ourselves within the four walls of the home. We are a liberated lot (?) Our mothers are not forced to kill their infant and unborn girls. We have a voice, we have a space, we are visible, and we can assert ourselves, our literacy rate is high, we are educated... etc etc.” But then I thought, no…. but how many of us actually are in this position? We are just a handful! How many are still in positions of marginalization and misery and ignorance? Majority of us are! So long as majority of our sisters are illiterate, so long as majority of our mothers are struggling with their day to day living and every single day is a struggle for survival, so long as majority of our sisters are living in pathetic and shameful conditions, are Naga women fortunate and privileged in the midst of miseries of our underpriviledge sisters and mothers? If we cannot feel the hardship of the poor housewife next door struggling to make both ends meet day in and day out, if we cannot feel ashamed of keeping quite and not doing anything in the face of injustice done to our sisters, can we proudly say, we are a fortunate and privileged lot? It is true our women and girls are at much better position than many of their counterparts elsewhere but let us also not forget that we still have a long way to go before we can proudly say Naga women and girls are a privileged lot!… let us ponder on to some everyday stories from the homes and hearths next door.
“Why don’t you bear me a son? What is wrong with you? Why only girls, girls and girls? Unless you bear me a son, you are not fit to be a mother and a wife. I will go to any lengths to be the father of a son. I am not a man till I have a son!” Heard this often? This means the wife will be made to bear as many children as her health and her life allows till she gets a son whether she likes it or not! It doesn’t matter whether the family is in a position to take care of so many children, it doesn’t matter even if it kills the mother in the process , it doesn’t matter even if the other girl children suffers due to lack of parental care and support in the father’s obsessive quest for a son by hook or by crook! Wives are abused, tortured, humiliated, and divorced for not bearing a son! Is it her fault? Is it her choice? The XX and XY factor will have to be hammered into the man’s brain all over again. There’s need for Emergency Biology class for this kind of man who blames the wife for bearing only girl children! Any volunteers?
“My husband does not do anything; he goes on drinking and gambling all of his waking hours. If he is not drinking or gambling, he gets himself busy beating us up, me and my children. He doesn’t bring home any money, but whatever little I earn, he forcefully takes them away for his drinking and his gambling. I have just bare minimum to provide food and clothes to my children. I have no money to send the children to school!” Seen many struggling mothers like her? How do you feel? What does a mother do in such situation? How will the children grow up in such a situation? Will the children grow up respecting their father? Will the children grow up valuing the sanctity of marriage? Will the children get proper education and guidance for a healthy and respectable adult life? Will our society progress with so many families in such kind of situation? If father is in such a condition, mother is helpless and suffering, children are at a loss and are helpless of the situation, whose responsibility is it for correcting the man? Whose responsibility is it for coming to the rescue of the mother and the children? Someone or the other will have to take the responsibility, will it be the Church? Will it be the NGOs? Will it be the Community? Will it be the Relatives? Will it be the Govt? Will it be the NMA? Will it be the Women Commission? Will it be the Student bodies? Etc etc .There are still many of us who can do something, can we put our heads together and do something together? We have put in beautiful words of commitment in papers, page after page, towards improving our society. But our women are still suffering, our children are still neglected, they are still hungry, they are still out of school, never been to school. Where have all our commitments gone?
“I dropped out of school. I was not very good in studies. My parents also are not rich. They hardly managed to send all of us to school. When I saw that they were struggling so hard to give us education and I failed in my exams, I though its better that I don’t continue studies any more, give privilege to my brothers, after all I am just a girl. My parents told me to continue but I refused. So I stayed at home and help out in the home. But after a point of time I became frustrated. I wanted to continue my studies but I didn’t want to put more burden on my parents. I wanted to learn something, any kind of training and keep myself busy but the money problem at home was always at the back of my mind. I couldn’t share to my parents about my desire to undergo some kind of training. It was so frustrating. My friends were going ahead in their studies. The more I see them, the more useless and miserable I felt. I had nothing much to do. I was angry inside for my parents being poor. I was desperate to do something, anything to get some money. That’s how I land up in this hateful and shameful situation. I didn’t have much choice”.
There are so many such-like girls who don’t have much choices,no much options. Is anybody listening? Is our government so poor, is our society so poor, and are our churches so poor that it cannot offer some options for our young girls who may not be so good in Science or Math or English subjects for that matter, but may have many other talents which only need some motivation and some inputs. For lack of money at home or loss of interest in studies, do we let our young and talented girls go to waste? After all, our worth as women doesn’t exclusively begin and end only wit BA and MA degrees! There are so many degrees and qualifications in life which are equally important. Learning to appreciate the worth of women and girls with untold talents is the beginning of the development of a society. Our girls are no less in intelligence or in talents, its just that they need a little more guidance, a little more motivation and support and believe me, our society will shine with all these talents everywhere, at home, in the church, in the society. ‘Women of substance’ everywhere will do our men and our society proud! Don’t you think so?
