Pfokrelo Kapesa
Dimapur | December 28
“God created us too and when we die we will all become a part of the earth, both gays and straight. I am sure God wants us to love one another and not hate. Allow us to live just like everyone else with our loved ones and leave the judgment to God.” This is what a gay person in Nagaland wishes to convey to the community at large.
On December 14, The Morung Express carried a story on the ‘lived experiences’ of transgenders in Nagaland. This report attempts to give a glimpse of the everyday struggles of the other members of the LGBT community in Nagaland- the gays .
Struggles
Most gay persons have very distinctive characters even as a small child but don’t realize that they are gay until after adolescence. As a result of their socialization and upbringing, many gay persons believed that something is not right about their orientation often turning to religion.
“I fasted every Saturday from 2013 to 2015, breaking down and asking God to make me feel like a man if being gay is wrong,” discloses a member of the community.
Societal apathy and self-denial, a deadly combination, often pushes a person to the edge.
One gay person narrated his harrowing experiences of attempting to take his own life, running from place to place to start over with a new life and dropping out of college until he chanced upon a meeting with an outreach worker, who counseled him and introduced him to other members of LGBT community.
Volunteers and outreach workers provide peer support and medical facilities. “I have accepted my orientation and identity now and it is my hope and prayer to provide assistance to those in need of help,” he added.
Another gay person on realizing that he is gay left Nagaland to work in the cities. He knew life would be difficult and that it will not be possible for him to be truly himself. But soon after he left, his parents called him back and compelled him to marry. It was, as they called it, ‘a last wish’ before they die. Left with no choice, he gave in and now lives with his family.
“I love my wife and children and I cannot desert them but I am different,” he said. While helping persons from the LGBT community as an outreach worker, he also provides for his wife and children.
His wish is that no one is forced or compelled to marry against their wishes. “When a gay person is forced into marriage, it is not only the person (gay) who suffers but also the wife and children.”
A gay person who dropped out early in school recounted that he was often abused by a teacher in school.
“The teacher would often walk up to me in full view of the class and touched me inappropriately on the excuse that my shirt or tie was not in the right place.”
He, as a child, often wondered why is it that the teacher always found fault with him and not the others. “I did not know then that he was abusing me,” he said. Now, he often wonders if the teacher targeted him because he was different from the rest of the class.
Sisters, the silver linings
Despite not being able to openly declare or confront their own families, most of the gay persons spoke fondly of sisters, their younger siblings in most cases.
“I often play ‘teacher’ with my sister when my parents are not home. We dressed ourselves pretending to be our favourite Miss in the school,” one gay person told. Somehow my sister always knew I was gay and accept me the way I am, “no questions asked” he added.
Another person told that his little sister help him find friends and often introduced him to other gay persons. “Because I don’t have many friends, I often hang out with my sister”.
Many felt that their families know about their orientation but deliberately pushed it under the carpet.
