Mapu Jamir I.A.S. (Retd)
Autumn, winter and spring are generally taken as the marriage season in Nagaland. Month of December in particular is an exciting period of festivities. This adds more colour to the wedding season. This is the season of happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment in life. People say it is a onetime affair and so doesn’t mind the cost. The market too gears up to extract the maximum by selling the infra structure and wedding accessories.
Marriage is a happy occasion for everyone. And even though the entire focus is on the bride and the groom, their friends and their family members too look forward to sporting their most beautiful and expensive wedding attires along with the gifts and presents to the young union of two souls. Weddings in Nagaland are grand, no-holds-barred affairs. Across communities the wedding is an excuse to throw a big and lavish sumptuous party and also to pamper the young couple in all possible ways.
Naga wedding is the ultimate freedom of expression-free for all with every aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. chipping in with possible bits of advice. The situation in the family parliament changes with pesky aunts and the know-it-all grandmas if they are still around. They have the advantages. And the net result is that lots of work, money and efforts go into pleasing people whom you have never met and likely not to meet again. In case of inter-cultural marriage some rituals on both sides are usually followed. Brides retain rituals that have special meaning to them. Both want the flavours of their own tradition to reflect in the ceremony. This unnecessarily stretches the wedding feast. Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between the ‘feast of merit’ of the past culture and the present day wedding feast.
In the past so important was the ‘feast of merit’ in the life of a Naga that it was always valued. The feast were a series of ceremonies each more important than the last and culminated only after the sacrifice of a Mithun. It was the ambition of a Naga to proceed as far as he could to gain for himself and the family honour and prestige and thereby to achieve the right to wear certain decorated clothes and ornaments. Successful ones can decorate their house in a particular way to show off the entitlements and achievements. The expenses and the labour involved were enormous. The marriage celebrations in the past culture were more subdued. The function from the formal proposal, engagement and to the final settlement of marriage was not complicated. The couple were expected to remain faithful, helping the parents and to build their own future assets. These customary practices were carefully taken out and adopted by the Christians of today while giving away their sons and daughters in marriage. Today the marriage practices are a curious mixture of the past and the one that we copy from the western culture. Presently, there is improvement upon it by adding Hindustani masala for extra flavor. The role of western values and contemporary Naga society needs scrutiny. We have to develop a value system where people accept modest sacrifice for the common good. By balancing the good in both we can arrive at a desirable solution.
The role of the church and its procedure has clinical precision and purely based on the command of the Holy Book. There is no exaggeration in it. But the excitement before and after the church solemnization are often beyond imagination. The cost involved is often beyond the capacity of many parents who silently bear the cross for the sake of honour and social standing before society. A modest wedding celebration is what every family should aim for. Ultimately the church certificate is what matters most.
As a Naga, I am proud to be a part of a culture which has deep rooted family values. Parents make enormous sacrifices for their children. They support them until they stand on their own feet. At the same time children consider it their duty to take care of aged parents. Brothers and sisters are encouraged to make sacrifices for each other and the eldest brother or sister is respected by other siblings. Husband and wife are expected to live together for life. There is so much love and affection in our family lives. This is the most valuable and priceless asset we have. This cannot be bought by money. Marriage is always held as a sacred union.
A wedding reception is a great way to meet all the members of the family and also to re-connect with old friends. But Naga wedding is hardly a wedding unless the reception area is bursting with invitees. Accordingly the budget split will mount disproportionately. Any trimming or cut in the demands is touchy and may attract embarrassment. The minimum budget split as practiced today from the event starting off with the engagement to the wedding and the couple reception are as follows: (1) engagement feast, (2) church decorations, (3) construction of wedding reception hall or hiring, (4) food and beverages, (5) entertainment, music and public address system, (6) photography / video, (7) flowers, (8) wedding trousseau and accessories, (9) transportation and accommodation for distant invitees, (10) customary distribution of meat. Apart from these there are miscellaneous expenses to bear. Fortunately Nagas do not practice dowry system, precious jewellery and astrological consultation before marriage. The only jewellery used is the wedding ring that stands witness to the union of the couple and their commitment to each other.
Marriage is all about two persons spending their lives together and forever. The trend should sway towards smaller weddings which will be affordable, enjoyable and memorable. Minimizing pomp and show will make the marriage more solemn and honourable. Parents should aim towards financial independence for the newly wedded couple. There is no point in conducting expensive weddings rather the couple should be supported for future financial security. What is important is the kind of life they will lead in future. Therefore, this memorable occasion should be kept simple and meaningful. A marriage is life’s most divine event.
