Noel Manuel
If I could give my child no other gift in the world, my top choice would be self-esteem. Without it, we wither. With it, we thrive.
Unfortunately, self-esteem doesn’t come programmed in our genes; we can’t add any magic elixir to our babies’ fonnula to start it growing. No matter how many of our children’s teachers or friends - or eventually, therapists - acknowledge their value, our children’s real sense of self-worth initially comes from us their parents.
Self-esteem is focusing on their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Self-esteem will escalate when you teach through questions rather than telling. Children gradually start discovering their own creativity and talent and abilities, which they may otherwise have never discovered at all.
During my years of teaching, I often observed how some teachers including myself, gave children uniform notes, which, many years later, I realized the blunder they and I had made. We were just feeding them information without really giving them the opportunity to use their own minds, their creativity, their talent and their self-worth. It is quite obvious that sixty children in a classroom will surely come up with sixty different ways of answering a question while keeping the central theme intact Unless they use unfair means. And for the teacher it would be a herculean task to go through sixty different answers. Ironically, we always look for the short cuts in life. And putting a common answer on the board is indeed the shortest cut. This inevitably leads to producing a stereo-type adult.
Every moment of our lives augments or diminishes our self-esteem: the responses we get nom others, our interactions with others.
When you have self-high esteem you are nearly invincible. No matter what happens, you still know that you are a good and capable person, that you can do what you need to do again and even better. You have a rich supply of inner strength. You approach every moment, every event, every interaction with an attitude of openness instead of fear, giving instead of taking, acknowledging your strengths rather than your weaknesses. You see abundance of opportunity instead of shortage and trouble.
High self-esteem allows you to continue to validate ~d nourish yourself on a regular basis. Self-esteem is apparent in everything you do, nom how you listen to new ideas and whether you’ll try something new, how to handle a conversation, and how you see others to the very essence that people perceive as you.
Just think about when your children are exposed to other kids who may steal or drink or use drugs. When you know your children have strong self-esteem you don’t have to worry about how to control their contact with others. You can’t really control it anyway. But you can remind your children of how wonderful they are and how lucky those other kids will be when your child’s values rub off on them.
It’s so easy to pick out the children who lack the gift of self-esteem. They’re the bullies on the playground, under achievers in school and school dropouts. The kids who can’t say no to deadly drugs or alcohol. They’re the grown-ups who miss out on career opportunities, who think they’re not good enough, who have to belittle others to make themselves feel important, the ones who are always looking for other people’s “spots.” They are the parents who can’t acknowledge their own or their children’s greatness, thus perpetuating the cycle for generations.
A powerful sign in a hospital said: “AIDS: 100 percent deadly, 100 percent preventable. “ Kids with high self-esteem know how to say ‘NO’ to dangerous situations: kids with low self-esteem look to anyone else to decide what’s right for them. Or they don’t see themselves as worthy of self-care. Which child would you like to have in these times when our children are constantly exposed to drugs, violence, sexually transmitted diseases and alcohol abuse?
More than any other gift, parents have always yearned to make their children have the ability to make responsible decisions. Teachers admit that more than any other quality, children should possess self-esteem. They know from everyday experience with hundreds of different children how vital self-esteem is to peak perf0lfiiance, to learning, to setting’ and achieving goals.
I am very proud of my kids. You always get what you expect. If you say your child’s dumb or won’t succeed, that’s what you will get. I have always tried to tell my children they’re wonderful, that I am very proud of them, that they can succeed at whatever they want. For example my son Jonathan has been a born leader. He has a quiet confidence that is quite infectious. One day his tuition teacher cam~ Up to me and said, “I wanted you to know that Jonathan is the most capable and efficient person I have known.”
A positive and strong message indeed Imagine when Jonathan himself hears that. How much more confident will he feel?
We need to constantly spend time with our children reassuring them that they are the most wonderful, talented, special and capable individuals. By doing this we are not only boosting their confidence and energy levels. But at the same time, we are reminding them to explore their talents, creativity and potential.
A child who can decide from good and bad or right and wrong is truly equipped with the gift of ‘self-esteem.’ And invariably it is the dream of every parent or teacher to ensure that a child always takes the right decisions in life.
The writer is the Coordinator of the Northeast Region (poetry Society of India) and life member of the Poetry Society India. Journalist and Correspondent Eastern Panorama (News Magazine of the Northeast) Phonetic teacher.
