Dr Bendangliba Andrew
Something is missing in many of our churches today, and it’s not hard to see. The energy that once filled our fellowships with young voices is slowly fading. But unlike dramatic walkouts or angry protests, this is a quiet departure, one that doesn’t make headlines but is deeply felt by pastors, parents and elders alike. This phenomenon has come to be known as the silent exodus- a slow, often unnoticed drifting away of young people from the life of the church. They are not storming out in rage or disbelief. Many are simply slipping away with a shrug, saying things like, “I just don’t feel connected anymore,” or, “It’s not for me.” Others leave without saying anything at all. This exodus is not necessarily about rejecting God. In fact, many young people still believe in Him. What they are struggling with is a version of church that feels disconnected from their lives. They are searching for honesty, relevance and meaning- things they feel are missing in the places they grew up worshipping in. So why are they leaving? And how can we, as the church, invite them back not with guilt or pressure, but with listening hearts, meaningful relationships and renewed purpose?
Religion without relationship: Many young people have grown up around church traditions- they know how to sing the songs, attend the programs and say the right things. But somewhere along the way, the heart of the message got lost. They’ve seen church activity without spiritual depth and rituals without real transformation. This creates confusion and disappointment. When faith feels like a routine instead of a relationship with God, it becomes easy to leave. Young people are hungry for something authentic. They don’t want empty religion, they want to encounter Christ in real, personal ways. If churches focus more on spiritual formation than on programs, many youth will find their way back.
No space for hard questions: Today’s youth are growing up in a world filled with tough questions about identity, mental health, injustice, sexuality, science and suffering. But many churches still operate as if questions are signs of weak faith, rather than part of the journey. When young people don’t feel safe to wrestle with their doubts in the church, they go elsewhere. They turn to social media, influencers or peer groups- some helpful, some harmful. What the church must offer is not easy answers, but open spaces: places where young people can ask, seek and grow, without fear of judgment. Faith grows stronger when it is allowed to wrestle honestly with life’s complexity.
Excluded from real leadership: In many churches, youth are included in the service lineup- they sing, dance, lead prayers and help with events. But often, that’s where it ends. They are rarely invited into deeper conversations about leadership, mission or direction. They’re used but not always valued. This creates a sense of being part of the show but not the story. Young people want to contribute but they also want to be heard. They want to be mentored, not just managed. They long for a place where their insights matter not only their energy. When churches start treating young people as co-laborers in Christ, not just helpers for programs, the sense of ownership grows and so does their commitment.
Their real-life struggles are not addressed: Many young people feel that church only speaks to “spiritual” issues, and not the practical challenges they face every day. How do I deal with anxiety? How do I find purpose in my career? How do I handle failure or rejection? Why is the world so broken? If these questions aren’t acknowledged from the pulpit or in small groups, youth begin to think church has nothing to offer them. But the gospel is not only about salvation after death- it is also about transformation in life. Jesus spoke into people’s real situations: their fears, burdens, work and relationships. If churches begin addressing real-world struggles with biblical wisdom and compassion, youth will pay attention. Because they’re not looking for a churchy life, they’re looking for a whole life, anchored in truth.
Unseen and unheard: At the deepest level, many young people leave church because they don’t feel they belong. They may attend but no one checks in when they stop coming. They may serve but their ideas are ignored. They may struggle but no one notices. This emotional disconnect is painful and it pushes them away quietly. Re-engagement begins with relationships. It means noticing them, listening without interrupting and inviting them into community without conditions. It means trusting them with responsibility, even if they’re not perfect yet. The church must become a place where young people are not only welcomed but pursued. Not as projects to be fixed but as brothers and sisters to walk with.
A Generation still waiting: The silent exodus is not about young people giving up on God. It’s about young people waiting for a faith that feels real, one that meets them in their questions, respects their voice and invites them into a community that practices what it preaches. This is not a moment to panic. It is a moment to pause, reflect and reconnect. Churches don’t need louder music or better events. What they need is more empathy, more honesty and more trust across generations. If we want to bring them back, we must stop chasing numbers and start rebuilding relationships. And when the youth do return, it won’t be an exodus anymore. It will be a homecoming.
