Marriage in the Phom Naga community is a culturally rich institution shaped by clan identity, tradition, and social responsibility. The Phom people, who live across more than fifty villages, speak around five main dialects, though most written records are preserved in the Phom common dialect. Phom land is traditionally divided into the Chingmei, Shemong, and Yingnyu ranges, with Longleng serving as the headquarters. Within this diverse cultural landscape, the practice of marriage stands as an important system that binds not only two individuals but also two families, two clans, and sometimes two villages. It becomes a shared responsibility that reflects the unity of the larger community. The cultural values passed down through generations continue to shape how marriage is understood among the Phom people.
The foundation of Phom marriage rests upon the importance of clans. Before any union takes place, the elders of both families must confirm that the couple belongs to marriageable clans. This verification is necessary because if individuals from unmarriageable clans marry, they can be excommunicated from their village. Clan identity is therefore not just a marker of lineage but a guiding force in determining social harmony. Many beliefs surrounding misfortune or abnormalities in marriage are linked to clan compatibility, further emphasising the weight clans carry in shaping marital decisions. As a result, the first step in any marriage arrangement is always related to knowing the roots of both families. The conversation around the clan is treated with seriousness, and families rely on the wisdom of elders to make the right decision.
Marriage customs have undergone significant changes over time. In earlier days, forced marriage or bride capture was practised. It was considered part of life and tradition. With the coming of Christianity, the idea of marriage evolved, and the consent of the woman and the mutual agreement of the couple became important. As a result, arranged marriages have become rare, and couples often have a say in their relationship. Both inter and intra marriages occur today as long as they follow the established clan rules, reflecting a blend of tradition and modern values. This gradual shift shows how the community has embraced newer perspectives while still holding on to the structure that protects clan relations. The role of personal choice has grown stronger, yet it continues to walk alongside cultural expectations.
The formal procedure of marriage begins with "Yiükphepü", where the man’s family initiates the process by asking for the woman’s hand. Elders from both families gather to discuss the possibility of the union. In earlier times, the groom’s family offered "Nyemnyü", a symbolic gift indicating that the bride was “booked.” It can be understood as “bride’s price” or “bride wealth”. The bride’s family, in turn, could make certain demands that the groom’s side had to fulfil. These gestures were not merely material exchanges but expressions of respect, acknowledgement, and the willingness to form a lasting relationship between the two families. The conversation during this stage is often patient and careful, as both sides try to understand the expectations placed upon the future couple. Through these discussions, trust begins to form, shaping the foundation of the marriage that will follow.
Following this, the engagement, known as "Yikhüm", confirms the commitment between the two families. The engagement strengthens the bond and prepares both sides for the responsibilities that lie ahead. It acts as an assurance that the couple will move toward marriage with the blessings of their families. This stage also allows time for both sides to prepare mentally, financially, and socially for the union. Engagement is therefore not only symbolic but also practical, giving structure to the time leading up to marriage.
A distinctive practice in Phom marriage is the six-day custom. After the marriage ritual, the bride remains in her parental home for six days before being sent to her husband’s house. Once she arrives at her new home, she is not allowed to return to her parents for the same period, as it is
considered taboo. This structured transition symbolises emotional adjustment and signifies her movement into a new phase of life. It also reflects the belief that new beginnings require a period of settling, allowing the bride to find her place in her new home without interruption. The six-day custom remains one of the most observed traditions, carrying deep emotional and cultural meaning.
The act of taking the bride to her new home is a significant cultural event. She is accompanied by her paternal and maternal aunts, along with her friends, who carry all the gifts she has received. The procession is led by a woman who is married and has given birth, as her presence is believed to have a positive influence on the bride’s future. In some villages, people joyfully proclaim that they are bringing their beloved, precious daughter. Upon reaching the groom’s house, the bride’s family expresses their final words of trust, saying, “We gave our precious daughter in good health and expect you to keep her the same.” A feast is then offered by the groom’s family to all who accompanied her, along with gifts reinforcing the warmth between the two families. This moment marks the emotional handover of a daughter, blending joy with responsibility in a way that is deeply valued.
The entire sequence of marriage traditions is known as "Yiük Yahpü Vanglam", and though practices differ slightly across villages, the essence remains the same. Marriage in the Phom community is held together by shared expectations, cultural obligations, and clan responsibilities. Because the union involves more than just the couple, divorce is rare, and marriages remain strong and steady. The community continues to see marriage as a bond that contributes to stability and togetherness.
Therefore, marriage stands not only as a personal bond but as a cultural framework that preserves the Phom community’s identity, unity, and collective strength.
Degree of Thought is a weekly community column initiated by Tetso College in partnership with The Morung Express. Degree of Thought will delve into the social, cultural, political and educational issues around us. The views expressed here do not reflect the opinion of the institution. Tetso College is a NAAC Accredited UGC recognised Commerce and Arts College. The editorial team includes Chubamenla, Asst. Professor Dept. of English and Rinsit Sareo, Asst. Manager, IT, Media & Communications. For feedback or comments please email: dot@tetsocollege.org
