Asha Sanchu
I was in Tripura that fateful day during our practical ministry. Time and again, I received calls from friends asking me whether I have heard the news or not. Very innocently, I asked …about my sister’s delivery? Softly, they said yeah! Then I replied yeah I got the news and I am very happy about it. But the actual news that they were trying to tell me was different. In my heart, I was thinking what was so great about my sister’s delivery. Anyway, I just ignored and went on with my work. After my ministry, I was so excited to come back home and meet my dear ones specially my ‘love’ who by now was a1ready buried under the earth. I kept calling him but no answer came. I thought, he was just very busy never knowing that I would ever see him again. On reaching home, I felt a bit strange with my family’s attitude. But I didn’t pay any heed and just went on narrating my experiences. I could see sadness, fear and pity in everyone’s eyes. I perceived that something was wrong. But everyone kept quiet so I didn’t dare to ask what was the matter. Then around 9:00 pm my mom and sister slowly but calmly broke the unbelievable news of my fiancé’s death to me. Can you imagine how painful it was for me hearing this? I felt numb and my nerves ran dry. I could not move ... for a few minutes I just stared at them. I didn’t even know how to cry. I was broken from inside. Questions after question flashed in my mind and the more I questioned, the more I felt the silence and the abandonment of God.
The plans we shared and the promises we made were all just wiped off in a second with his death. I just couldn’t accept it. I thought God should have at least given me a chance to plead for his life or to wait for me to reach home that I could meet him for the last time. But no! God didn’t give that chance. I don’t know why. Every time I try to forget, it comes back to me more vividly and I just break out in tears. Honestly, sometimes I feel I don’t have any more tears to shed.
Today, as I anticipate Christmas, my heart beats faster and I feel I’m running out of breath. The memories continue to haunt the recesses of my mind and I feel my heart is breaking into pieces. I feel so forlorn and lost. Many untold and hidden thoughts torture me and eat me from inside. But deep from my heart, I say, Christ will make things right. He will stand by me and will turn my mourning into dancing and my sorrow into joy. He will give me strength even in the darkest and weakest moment of my life.
I am sure that there are many families and individuals who have gone through bitter experiences like me and still continue to carry that wound with them. As Christmas dawns, you may also feel like me - alone, terrified and full of remorse and painful memories. But remember, you are not alone. Someone somewhere also shares with you in your sorrow. Humanly speaking, it’s painful and unbearable. But as Christians, let’s continue to look up to God for he is our only hope even in times of our hopelessness. He gives peace in the midst of the storm. Moreover, keep in mind that whatever happens though things seem very cruel and painful, God never makes mistakes. So, then, it must be the right thing. There are many people around us whose experiences are also as bitter as yours and mine or maybe even worse. So let’s unite our hearts and allow God to heal us that the next time we utter how can I ever forget . . . ? It will be a time of praising and glorifying God for all that He has done.
Lord! How can I ever forget? . . . But the way you do things to make me grow just amazes me!
