Jungtina Jamir
Winter is here. This season holds the spirit of Christmas in the air. Apart from the real reason why we celebrate Christmas, for me there is another thing that I look upon to. As a child, when December arrived I would sit down to write a letter to Santa. I would tell him that I had been a good girl and that I’d like to have a Barbie. Sigh!! I would keep the letter outside so that at night the winds would carry it all the way to North Pole. Come Christmas morning and my bro and I would be looking for presents all over the house. It was so much fun.
As I became older I knew that Santa wasn’t for real. No more letters, no more running around the house looking for presents. But some thing’s remain the same. In a sense that Christmas means some sort of expectations and wishes we hope would come our way. I remember a certain Christmas night, sitting by the firelight I stared into the vast night sky and asked myself, “What do I want?”
What do I want? What do you want? I wish it is as easy as taking a sheet of paper and writing down all I want; post it to Santa so that he can wrap it in a beautiful gift and keep it for me under the tree. But then, what I wish for is something that cannot be wrapped in a box. For all I know, it can ‘only’ be wrapped in my heart and in yours too.
We’ve got a system we live in! We call it ‘freedom’ and we are free to choose how to live and let live. In fact the whole existence of our lives is on the periphery of freedom. I am old enough to realize that in our society mass confusion is always better than the threat of understanding. I cannot help but realize that although we try to justify the means, the truth behind the end remains unseen and while we all assume we all agree that we’re giving up the freedom to be free. Peace is our mission but then we’ll murder to defend it. And it may soon be found out that we’re the creator of our anarchy and we were ‘just’ created. No reason, no purpose, no nothing. I wonder painfully, what is it that we are fighting for? For attention? For love? For grace? For a bigger dream? Peace?
My Christmas wish, no!, I mean, my only wish is that I break away from this system we so reside in. Until we understand that our so called honesty deceives us, I doubt we’ll ever find what we are looking for. I am afraid of one thing; and that is the possibility that there may be ONE solitary truth on which we can depend, and that is, “we have started something we can never end”.
This is December; I will keep my mind full of hopeful dreams to keep away the painful sleep. Why painful? Because few days from now I know that I’ll be waking up to my wish, which won’t be there. You may say that I am cynic. That I am, here. I am not perfect. Nobody is! and I stand accused for lack of better word and I guess that’s my best excuse..!
I might as well cover up and sleep beneath this silence. And hey, wake me up when December ends.
